Chasing the Light

Yesterday, June 9 of 2012, my little brother graduated from high school. I can't even begin to tell you how it affected me. My little brother (okay, not so little anymore) has passed a huge milestone. Of all six children my parents had, he's the second to receive his high school diploma. He's going to university in three months. Not a community college, not even a college. UNIVERSITY. A big sister has a reason to be proud, right?

I graduated high school four years ago. Four years. I have classmates that have already graduated university and are beginning their post graduate programs. I have classmates that are married, expecting children, having children, starting their own businesses, travelling. They left Northport. They are living their lives. And where am I? Back in this town. An unwed mother that still struggles to make ends meet. Where is the hope that I had four years ago? Where is the drive? I hate myself for losing that.

My brothers has so much going for him. So much. I couldn't be prouder of him, but in the same instance I want to be where he is. I want my hope back. I want to see the light that he sees, and have the energy to chase it again. I want to have the freedom to dance in the middle of a crowd without caring how others view me. I want my heartsong back, and I want to be told that I sing way to much. I want my joy back.

So you know what? Turn the lights down low, walk these halls alone. We can feel so far from so close. Give me something to chase the light for. I want my light back.