Forgiveness
"Cuz we all make mistakes sometimes
And we've all stepped across that line
But nothing sweeter than the day we find,
We find forgiveness."
tobyMac "Forgiveness"
Sometimes it is so difficult to look back on my past with hope, or at least to be thankful for the things I went through that have brought me to the place I am now. A mother. A fighter. A lover. To look at different scenarios that I've gone through and truly believe that I came out a stronger, better person. The custody battle for my beautiful daughter. The assault that would have given me another child. The loss of a life and ensuing heartache from the blame I still feel to this day.
It's so easy to give forgiveness to people around us, don't you think? I had an old friend contact me on Facebook months ago, apologizing for a situation and saying he wanted his best friend back. Truth is, he didn't have to ask for forgiveness because I had given it months before.
But what about when we look in the mirror? When we see the person we are, know our own faults, know in the very depth of our soul that we do not deserve the grace and compassion extended to us by our Heavenly Father, what is our reaction then? Imagine, for a moment, that you came face to face with yourself. A separate body, with no way to read the thoughts behind those eyes, only to view the physical.
I am my own biggest critic. Even now, I have a hard time not looking inside of me with disgust. There is no denying that I am human, that I have flaws and issues that still need to be addressed. And yet the flaws and issues I know I have in myself are aspects that I have chosen to punish myself for. If I were to clone myself, my past, my issues, my flaws, every aspect of who I am as a human being, I have no doubt that I would hear that girl's story and give her the grace that she so desperately craves.
But myself? Well, I know better than to ever give that girl the closure she so desires.
And we've all stepped across that line
But nothing sweeter than the day we find,
We find forgiveness."
tobyMac "Forgiveness"
Sometimes it is so difficult to look back on my past with hope, or at least to be thankful for the things I went through that have brought me to the place I am now. A mother. A fighter. A lover. To look at different scenarios that I've gone through and truly believe that I came out a stronger, better person. The custody battle for my beautiful daughter. The assault that would have given me another child. The loss of a life and ensuing heartache from the blame I still feel to this day.
It's so easy to give forgiveness to people around us, don't you think? I had an old friend contact me on Facebook months ago, apologizing for a situation and saying he wanted his best friend back. Truth is, he didn't have to ask for forgiveness because I had given it months before.
But what about when we look in the mirror? When we see the person we are, know our own faults, know in the very depth of our soul that we do not deserve the grace and compassion extended to us by our Heavenly Father, what is our reaction then? Imagine, for a moment, that you came face to face with yourself. A separate body, with no way to read the thoughts behind those eyes, only to view the physical.
I am my own biggest critic. Even now, I have a hard time not looking inside of me with disgust. There is no denying that I am human, that I have flaws and issues that still need to be addressed. And yet the flaws and issues I know I have in myself are aspects that I have chosen to punish myself for. If I were to clone myself, my past, my issues, my flaws, every aspect of who I am as a human being, I have no doubt that I would hear that girl's story and give her the grace that she so desperately craves.
But myself? Well, I know better than to ever give that girl the closure she so desires.
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