A Mother's Wish

Show of hands. Online hands, I suppose, since we only seem to interact in such a way that I don't see the majority of readers of my blog. How many parents, specifically moms, can say they look forward to Mother's Day? And if you do, what do you look forward to? Is it being woken up by breakfast in bed, having your kids tackle you as they shout "HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, MAMAAAAAA!!" Is it working through another shift at work, dreaming about that REALLY big gift you will receive in the future? Is it having picnics with your loved ones, picking flowers in a field, and a relaxing evening beside your partner as you go through the pictures from the weekend? Is it the pictures your little ones give you, or the crafts they did in preparation to bless you, or the cards that are sometimes thoughtfully put together and sometimes haphazardly scribbled all over?

This last Mothers Day weekend was, hands down, the best mothers day weekend I have EVER had in my life, and it wasn't because of gifts or cards or recognition, though all of those did play a huge part.

It was being dog tired on Friday night, not wanting to cuddle with my girl on my bed because I knew I was moments from passing out, and having my partner tell me to get a cup of coffee, only to ignore it because I didn't feel like figuring out the new Keurig that had mysteriously shown up. Turns out the Keurig wasn't so mysterious. Mother's Day Gift #1. (My partner is AMAZING!!)

It was having my daughter's stepmother come over on Thursday night, heartbroken and vulnerable over family conflict, and having the opportunity to wrap her in my arms and assure her that no matter what ANYONE else says, she is a mother by choice, not blood, and that can be a more difficult journey than most.

It was waking up Saturday morning to sunshine and the promise of a day with friends, and having my partner get up early to go purchase a playset with our housemate. And then getting sunburnt because we forgot to apply sunscreen every couple of hours as we worked over ten hours to put the playset together.

It was having my brother come along side me at 8:30 at night to put together the swings on the playset, while everyone else took a break or went to work or supervised the horde of children that ran around the house. 

It was riding rollercoasters with my daughter on Sunday, and hearing her exclaim with glee: "That was so AWESOME!!!!" or having her grab onto my arm and shout at the tail end of another rollercoaster: "This one is NOT  my favorite!!"

It was having my mama show up for a ten minute visit, to give me a bouquet of lilies and my little brother's necklace with his ashes that have been resting next to my heart. 

It was spending the day with my partner and my daughter at the theme park, and knowing that this summer and this year are going to bring an incredible amount of joy and memories and laughter. And after leaving the park, being able to hold his hand the whole way home as we talked about our day while my daughter watched my brother's tribute video more than twice. 

It was seeing the look on the faces of my partner's children on Monday morning as we opened up the back door at 7:30 in the morning, just to watch the excitement build in their little bodies. It's been the constant requests to play outside all week, and the disappointment the kids get on rainy days because it's too cold and wet, even though they insist they can just change into different clothes when their current outfits are soaked. 

It's the blessing I get at work, having kids run into the gym and yell "Eeeevveeeeyyyy!!" before pouncing with their hugs. It's being able to sit beside upset children and tell them there is a hug waiting when they're ready, only to have them ask for a hug four minutes later after they've had a moment to calm down. 

There are so many things I wish for the children in my life. So many blessings, though I know sometimes it's not going to be enough. So many dreams, though I know they will change with the years. So much strength, despite the fact that there will be times they feel too weak to continue on their journey. 

But despite it all, I know that there is a Father that loves them far much more than I will ever be able to love them. And my biggest wish is that the children will come to know Him in the end.