Taking the Milligan

It's been 119 days since I officially started planning my wedding. Without hesitation. With the permission of the man that I will, in a short 290 days, be calling my husband (even if other people are already calling him that). 

It's crazy for me to think about. It's an event that I've dreamed about, longed for, and hoped against all hope that I would be able to someday have. I've thought about it with four previous men in my life, in all different kinds of circumstances, and have resisted the urge to even dare broach the subject because of my own fear and insecurities. And with good reason, to be honest. There were good reasons for the extensive crimson explosions that accompanied each one of those relationships.

But not with this man. This relationship. This journey. 

Sure, there have been moments and hours and sometimes days of conflict. Of self searching. Of insecurities that I was making a wrong choice, for myself or for him or for our family. The beautiful thing about it is that once I was able to take a breath, calm down, pray, and focus, there was this overwhelming sense of peace that I have experienced only with a choice few close friends and select members of my family. 

And the best thing about it? (I know you're probably already dry heaving on the other side of the screen, but I don't really care anymore, this is one of my favorite things about this future)

My initials will FINALLY be E.L.M. Which I find hilarious, because I love trees, and I've already got several tattoos on my body, and planned out in my head, and I've always been drawn to that kind of flora (as in just plant life, not flowers).

As a pre-teen, I always wanted to have initials that spelled out something. Which seems a little strange, because my daughter's dad pointed out that we were giving her M.L.B. as her initials. Yeah, try figuring out that one!

Okay, but seriously, now. My favorite thing about marrying this man. Or at least in the top three.

THE WEDDING HASHTAG!!! (#takingthemilligan)

I'll explain. 

In 2012, after knowing each other for  just over six months, he started teaching me to play a card game, Magic the Gathering. And the point of the game is to beat your opponent using a deck of cards that has been built for that specific purpose, though there are a myriad of ways to beat them. In the beginning, you start out with seven cards in hand. And depending on what the cards are, you can choose to either keep your hand or..... (drum roll, please!!)....take a Mulligan.

You see what I did there, right? Ha! of course you do. Because I'm pretty sure that only my friends read this thing, so if you don't, come hang out with me and I'll explain between laughs.

I love that I get the chance to give him a marriage that he looks forward to. That neither of us were pressured into by expectations, circumstances, or social obligations. I love that this man, who was upfront from the time that I met him in 2011 about his disbelief in marriage, would listen to my heart, would acknowledge that while my dreams and his dreams about our relationship differ, we are just as happy together without a piece of paper acknowledging what we already know.

We all deserve a chance at a fresh start. A do over. A mulligan. 

And us? We just get to take that Milligan together.