Package Deal
Things happen so quickly when it all starts going downhill. That is what I have found out in the last week. On Wednesday, I emailed Jesse telling him that I am going to keep Morgana until custody is finalized. I recieved this as a reply: "..." Seriously, that is how he replied. But before I got his reply, I was very on edge. I started talking to Justin, hoping to recieve some friendly advice on how to deal with the situation. Instead, I get sucker punched in the fucking stomach.
Justin said that he wasn't sure "how or when" he can be with me. If my heart was aching before talking to him, it stopped as soon as I read that text. I remember just laying on my couch, facing the back, crying until I fell asleep. And it's because I'm a package deal.
I was able to talk to him last night and figure out why he felt that way. It's not me, which makes me a little happy. It's my daughter, and that's what kills me. Justin wants to be with ME. Not my daughter, who comes with responsibilities that he's not quite sure how to deal with, just me. But that's not how it works anymore. Time passes, circumstances change, and in the end I'm left because I've got to many attachments.
There is no way that a man can have just me anymore. Forgive me, but you're going to have to work if you want me, because it's going to be a difficult road to travel now. Yes, it was a lot simpler two years ago, but it's not going to be easy anymore. If you want me in your life, you're going to have to work your ass off now. You're going to have to love me, in all my tragic beauty and with all my attachments.
And who knows? I might have been fun when I was single, but don't some people say that two is better than one? I just hope you can see that, Jay, because I don't want to go through this again.
Justin said that he wasn't sure "how or when" he can be with me. If my heart was aching before talking to him, it stopped as soon as I read that text. I remember just laying on my couch, facing the back, crying until I fell asleep. And it's because I'm a package deal.
I was able to talk to him last night and figure out why he felt that way. It's not me, which makes me a little happy. It's my daughter, and that's what kills me. Justin wants to be with ME. Not my daughter, who comes with responsibilities that he's not quite sure how to deal with, just me. But that's not how it works anymore. Time passes, circumstances change, and in the end I'm left because I've got to many attachments.
There is no way that a man can have just me anymore. Forgive me, but you're going to have to work if you want me, because it's going to be a difficult road to travel now. Yes, it was a lot simpler two years ago, but it's not going to be easy anymore. If you want me in your life, you're going to have to work your ass off now. You're going to have to love me, in all my tragic beauty and with all my attachments.
And who knows? I might have been fun when I was single, but don't some people say that two is better than one? I just hope you can see that, Jay, because I don't want to go through this again.
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