525,600 Minutes.
It almost amazes me just how big numbers like that can seem so small to the minds of today. Think about it.
Five hundred. Twenty five. Thousand. Six. Hundred.
On their own, they're just numbers. They don't seem so daunting, do they? But for me, it's not the numbers that are that important to me. It's the "minutes" part.
A year ago, a simple year, my life was different. And within the course of the last twelve months, my life has taken a complete 180 degree turn. I've gone from a submissive, placating, cowering little woman to the total bitch from hell to the woman that knows he'll always have a piece of my heart, but I have to choose to not let it go any farther than that. I've become a woman that can look at a situation and see that sliver of gold on the horizon, right after the darkest part of the night.
I am Evey. And this is the beginning. And though my wounds are visible, I wear them with pride. Because in a world where most people will walk by complete strangers, staring anywhere but at the faces surrounding us, I dare to walk with my head held high. I am bold, and beautiful, and stronger than I ever realized I was.
But that doesn't mean I'm impenetrable. Or indestructible. I just know my weaknesses, and acknowledge them. I'm not heartless, I just give off that impression. I have to right now. I can play the vituperator very well, but that doesn't I enjoy doing it. In all actuality, it breaks my heart. I detest causing pain, I find no joy in it. The only solace I find in breaking someone down is knowing that what I do can help them, if they let it.
A year can change everything. A year can change you. It can change me. It can change the circumstances, the things you believe in, the way you view other people. But it's the core values, the character that has been developing for so many years now, that will never change.
I'm sorry that I made you want to ice me out of your life. I'm sorry that you think I would be cruel enough to break your heart and "return to sender." I've never thought of myself as that much of an ice queen, but I have come to understand the difference between being a bitch and acting one. And sometimes, I really do need to act the part. The woman that you fell in love with is still here under my skin; just take comfort in the fact that she's not the same person you fell in love with.
And a year from now? You may have someone else. A lot can change in 365 days.
Five hundred. Twenty five. Thousand. Six. Hundred.
On their own, they're just numbers. They don't seem so daunting, do they? But for me, it's not the numbers that are that important to me. It's the "minutes" part.
A year ago, a simple year, my life was different. And within the course of the last twelve months, my life has taken a complete 180 degree turn. I've gone from a submissive, placating, cowering little woman to the total bitch from hell to the woman that knows he'll always have a piece of my heart, but I have to choose to not let it go any farther than that. I've become a woman that can look at a situation and see that sliver of gold on the horizon, right after the darkest part of the night.
I am Evey. And this is the beginning. And though my wounds are visible, I wear them with pride. Because in a world where most people will walk by complete strangers, staring anywhere but at the faces surrounding us, I dare to walk with my head held high. I am bold, and beautiful, and stronger than I ever realized I was.
But that doesn't mean I'm impenetrable. Or indestructible. I just know my weaknesses, and acknowledge them. I'm not heartless, I just give off that impression. I have to right now. I can play the vituperator very well, but that doesn't I enjoy doing it. In all actuality, it breaks my heart. I detest causing pain, I find no joy in it. The only solace I find in breaking someone down is knowing that what I do can help them, if they let it.
A year can change everything. A year can change you. It can change me. It can change the circumstances, the things you believe in, the way you view other people. But it's the core values, the character that has been developing for so many years now, that will never change.
I'm sorry that I made you want to ice me out of your life. I'm sorry that you think I would be cruel enough to break your heart and "return to sender." I've never thought of myself as that much of an ice queen, but I have come to understand the difference between being a bitch and acting one. And sometimes, I really do need to act the part. The woman that you fell in love with is still here under my skin; just take comfort in the fact that she's not the same person you fell in love with.
And a year from now? You may have someone else. A lot can change in 365 days.
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