The Other Side of the Coin

Imprint (n.)- to fix indelibly or permanently (as on the memory)

There are studies that show the impact of a parent's actions on a child's development. Most children will observe their parents' actions, hear the words that come from their parents' lips, learn the moral fabric of their parents' lives, and go on to either recreate the home life they grew up in or attempt to create a lifestyle totally different from the one they knew as a child.

As a parent, I can honestly say that I cringe at the thought of my daughter when she reaches her teen years, and I can't help but bow my head and pray for patience, grace, laughter, and strength in these early years so that Morgan will grow to have a stronger foundation than what I had in those troubling years that were so full of my own stubbornness and insecurity.

But I digress.

At twenty-one, I chose to return home for a stable environment during a tumultuous period of my life, knowing that Morgan needed all the stability and positive imprints that my family would be able to provide. Little did I know what habits my broken spirit would learn from my parents,even at such a late time in my life.

This past month has been especially trying for my Spokane family. Derek lost his business in the middle of August, my hours at work averaged less than 20 hours a week for July and August, and we both have been dealing with situations that have left us so emotionally drained that all we could do was pray and hope for the strength to crawl out of bed each morning.

The morning after Derek had lost his business, I had to leave for work earlier than usual. My final walk through the house before leaving, the hopelessness and desperation was so palpable that I could feel the weight on my shoulders. I started praying. Over my family, for strength, guidance, perseverance, and creativity to deal with our situation. Next thing I know, I'm grabbing my dry erase markers and writing on our bedroom mirror, where I know Derek will see it as soon as he wakes up.

I LOVE YOU.
I BELIEVE IN YOU.
I HAVE HOPE IN YOU!!

And as soon as I finished writing, an instinctive prayer passed through my lips.

"Dear God, please open his eyes enough to see there is hope in all of this shit."

Now, here's where my earlier meanderings about parents imprinting on their children comes into play. The love note I wrote on our mirror is something that my stepfather tells my siblings on a daily basis, usually as they're walking out the door for school. I heard it daily during my final year in high school, and again every time I left for work during those two years my daughter and I lived with my family.

As an immature young adult at 17 and 18, I would usually just reply with, "Love you, too," before slipping in my ear buds and walking to school. For the first six months when I was 21, I very much stuck with that mentality. But as the prospect of relaunching broached, successfully this time (or so I hoped), I realized that I had to change my outlook, my character, my habits, otherwise I would be prone to make the same mistakes and not only mess up my life, but my child's as well.

My parents, both biological and step, have severely affected my life in ways that I never thought would be possible, even as a young parent that has been so set in my ways that at times I didn't see any alternative but what was staring me in the face. I want to take some time and honor them, telling you my story and how being a parent opened my stubborn mindset and forced me to see the other side of the coin of adulthood.