Trying to Deal
Hello, my lovely readers, as few as you may be! I know it's been a while since my last post (and I only know this because I had a very dear friend point out today that it had been a while since I posted and I am actually quite a good writer, so I should please continue to write) and I do apologize for my absence, but I've been attempting to get my shit together after a storm came through not so long after my last post.
Now where to start, that may be the question. If I was the type of person that really opened up to the unrecognizable masses and the anonymity that is a part of the oh-so-wonderful reality of the internet, I would probably open up and tell you about the ending of a relationship from hell, and my now ex-boyfriend leaving me after a year and a half and all the exhilarating freedom that has come from that.
Or, I could tell you about the journey that I've been on for the last two months, personally, and how I've discovered some rather frightful reasoning for quite a few character flaws that I've struggled with over my lifetime, but that might end up being a leeetttle bit more revealing than I wish to be with even those closest to me, let alone the unidentified masses.
Now, let's start with what has been causing me the most stress lately, because that seems to be the pattern to my postings. But first, some backstory!
June 18, 2016: My last day at my previous job. I was so excited to be starting a new chapter, and I was so hopeful that it was going to be the big change that I had so desperately sought for months. Little did I know exactly how big of a change it was going to be.
June 19, 2016: My relationship of a year and a half came to an end. I promised myself that I was going to be celibate for a year and take the time to really discover what wounds I needed to heal and recover from in my past.
June 22, 2016: Training for my new job begins, and I discover opportunities beyond my wildest imaginings to help set up a solid future for my daughter and myself.
Now, in the twelve weeks since training ended, I have learned so very much. About my chosen career, about my past and how it has affected me, about how my daughter and what I can do to help her grow into an amazing woman. I have discovered strength and resilience within myself that I knew was in there but had been too afraid to actually test to its fullest extent. And I can now say, without fear of judgement or faltering, that I am a stronger woman than I was three months ago. But that doesn't mean it's without its struggles.
In fact, that's what brings me to this post. The struggle, more than anything else. And I almost feel that's a recurring theme in my last few posts, as few and as far between as they are. I tend to try to deal with shit as it comes up, keep it out of the public eye as much as I can, And I'll try for so long that when I finally do get to the point that the public hears about it, I've already been pushed past my breaking point.
But then there is the beauty of writing. Of letting go. Of getting all the confusion and frustration and overwhelming dread out of my head and onto something outside of my own physical being. It's a way of compartmentalizing, really. And for me it's just more effective than most.
Now where to start, that may be the question. If I was the type of person that really opened up to the unrecognizable masses and the anonymity that is a part of the oh-so-wonderful reality of the internet, I would probably open up and tell you about the ending of a relationship from hell, and my now ex-boyfriend leaving me after a year and a half and all the exhilarating freedom that has come from that.
Or, I could tell you about the journey that I've been on for the last two months, personally, and how I've discovered some rather frightful reasoning for quite a few character flaws that I've struggled with over my lifetime, but that might end up being a leeetttle bit more revealing than I wish to be with even those closest to me, let alone the unidentified masses.
Now, let's start with what has been causing me the most stress lately, because that seems to be the pattern to my postings. But first, some backstory!
June 18, 2016: My last day at my previous job. I was so excited to be starting a new chapter, and I was so hopeful that it was going to be the big change that I had so desperately sought for months. Little did I know exactly how big of a change it was going to be.
June 19, 2016: My relationship of a year and a half came to an end. I promised myself that I was going to be celibate for a year and take the time to really discover what wounds I needed to heal and recover from in my past.
June 22, 2016: Training for my new job begins, and I discover opportunities beyond my wildest imaginings to help set up a solid future for my daughter and myself.
Now, in the twelve weeks since training ended, I have learned so very much. About my chosen career, about my past and how it has affected me, about how my daughter and what I can do to help her grow into an amazing woman. I have discovered strength and resilience within myself that I knew was in there but had been too afraid to actually test to its fullest extent. And I can now say, without fear of judgement or faltering, that I am a stronger woman than I was three months ago. But that doesn't mean it's without its struggles.
In fact, that's what brings me to this post. The struggle, more than anything else. And I almost feel that's a recurring theme in my last few posts, as few and as far between as they are. I tend to try to deal with shit as it comes up, keep it out of the public eye as much as I can, And I'll try for so long that when I finally do get to the point that the public hears about it, I've already been pushed past my breaking point.
But then there is the beauty of writing. Of letting go. Of getting all the confusion and frustration and overwhelming dread out of my head and onto something outside of my own physical being. It's a way of compartmentalizing, really. And for me it's just more effective than most.
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