One Million Seconds
I want you to stop what you're doing for a minute here, right after you finish reading this paragraph. I want you to close your eyes, listen to the world around you. Maybe you're hearing your kids playing in the other room. Maybe you're hearing cars on the street near your house. Maybe you're at work, and you can hear whatever bustle normally surrounds you for about eight hours a day. Or maybe you're just sitting in bed, like I am, winding down from a day that has given you some ups and downs, some joy and maybe even some sorrow. Just take a minute. Sixty seconds. And during that minute, I want you to really think about the world around you, what makes up your day.
How did that go? What did you hear? What did you think about?
Now just imagine that there is another person out there, at this same moment, reading these same words. How likely is it that you think they are doing the same thing as you, hearing the same kind of sounds as you?
All of this is hypothetical, of course. But think of it for a second!! There are over 300 MILLION people in the US alone, and only sixty seconds in a minute. How many differences can there be across the people of this country that could really separate us? Strip away the things like color, socio-economic standings, wealth, take us down to our very base natures, and what will you find? Variety is still a given. There are still experiences, but are they really so very different from those that surround us?
There are so many times in my life I will find myself reading posts from friends that share similiar experiences to my own, from the abuse at the hands of an ex-lover to the joy that is found in a spin during a waltz. From the overwhelming love that is found at the birth of a child to the peace that can be found in a soul mate's arms. Pain at the loss of a loved one, whether it's a grandparent, a child, or a significant other. Despair when the odds can feel so exceedingly overwhelming against you. And for so many of us, we are brainwashed into thinking that we are so alone in all of our trials and tribulations. But we never really are, are we?
Two months ago, a friend of mine shared her story on Facebook about her experiences with domestic violence. I remember sitting on my couch, tears pouring down my cheeks as I relived my own horror at the hands of an ex, and feeling her terror and fear at those moments and how we both reacted, though our situations and experiences were different. See for yourself:
"A couple weeks ago, my belt loop on my jeans got caught on a doorknob. Any ordinary person, would have been startled, realized the problem, and unhooked themselves. I FROZE. I started to shake. Every feeling I had on a night long ago came flooding into me. I was so terrified that fight or flight had gone out the window, and I stood there, like a statue. I remembered instantly the fight we had, over something stupid, but one fight of only three that I had stood up for myself. One fight of three where I told myself, the endless nights of him yelling at me for some unknown faux pas on my part, was fucked up, and I wasn't going to take it. I remember him furious coming at me, I remember him grabbing the gun, and the awful sound it made when he fired it at my feet inside the house. I remember this strange calm that had set in, as I grabbed my purse and my keys to leave. I remember the intense panic and fear that exploded in me when he grabbed me by the belt loops of my jeans, and wouldn't let me leave."
Later that same day, I contacted my friend to share my own moment with her.
"What's crazy is I had a frozen moment last Sunday when I went on a cruise with my best friend. A guy came up, started dancing with me, and I got uncomfortable so I tried walking away. And he just put his hands on my waist and pulled me back, trying to still dance. My ex did that anytime I tried walking away from him during a fight, and he often would throw me whichever direction he went, so I got used to just relaxing automatically whenever I felt him grab my waist so I wouldn't get hurt so bad. But that time I froze and I started having flashbacks. And it was terrifying. My best friend pulled me off the dance floor and I just broke down."
There are so many times I feel like we, as a collective species, are so wrapped up in our own lives that we hardly ever take the time to really reach out to those around us that share the same experiences that we do in our lives, especially when it comes to the negatives. We seek to be singled out, recognized for the positivity that we can bring, put up on a pedestal and viewed with admiration by all. But when we fall, when we are less than perfect, or we deal with trauma, or when we are singled out and attacked, in times we should be reaching out for support and assistance and encouragement, how often do we actually do just that?
When I reached out to my friend, I had never know the depth of the trauma that she had gone through. I still don't know the specifics of a lot of her story, and she doesn't know a lot of specifics with mine. But being able to share that kind of trauma, without fear of rejection or fear of being belittled or being told that your view on a situation isn't what REALLY happened. My friend, my dear, beautiful, strong friend, put together an explanation for our anxiety perfectly.
"This is why we have trigger warnings. This is why, some people duck when a car backfires. Why someone may start panicking and hyperventilating over something so ordinary as a belt loop on a door handle. This is why, in no uncertain terms, you should never judge someone over their anxieties. When you don't know whats going on inside them, just assume their reaction is appropriate for their life experience. Do NOT think they are out for attention, or overreacting."
And later that day, I had to do my part and encourage her. Because that is really what this world needs, is people who will recognize those shared experiences, who will look at the million seconds that can be found in 12 days and realize that there is more shared between another human being besides a genome sequence. And at times, you get the beautiful opportunity to really connect with those around you.
I'm so happy someone understands! You always hear you're not alone, but it doesn't make sense until you actually hear someone, explaining to you that you aren't.
Because even when you hear those words, you almost have to have someone go into detail about their trauma to fully understand that it's not just an empathetic statement.
How did that go? What did you hear? What did you think about?
Now just imagine that there is another person out there, at this same moment, reading these same words. How likely is it that you think they are doing the same thing as you, hearing the same kind of sounds as you?
All of this is hypothetical, of course. But think of it for a second!! There are over 300 MILLION people in the US alone, and only sixty seconds in a minute. How many differences can there be across the people of this country that could really separate us? Strip away the things like color, socio-economic standings, wealth, take us down to our very base natures, and what will you find? Variety is still a given. There are still experiences, but are they really so very different from those that surround us?
There are so many times in my life I will find myself reading posts from friends that share similiar experiences to my own, from the abuse at the hands of an ex-lover to the joy that is found in a spin during a waltz. From the overwhelming love that is found at the birth of a child to the peace that can be found in a soul mate's arms. Pain at the loss of a loved one, whether it's a grandparent, a child, or a significant other. Despair when the odds can feel so exceedingly overwhelming against you. And for so many of us, we are brainwashed into thinking that we are so alone in all of our trials and tribulations. But we never really are, are we?
Two months ago, a friend of mine shared her story on Facebook about her experiences with domestic violence. I remember sitting on my couch, tears pouring down my cheeks as I relived my own horror at the hands of an ex, and feeling her terror and fear at those moments and how we both reacted, though our situations and experiences were different. See for yourself:
"A couple weeks ago, my belt loop on my jeans got caught on a doorknob. Any ordinary person, would have been startled, realized the problem, and unhooked themselves. I FROZE. I started to shake. Every feeling I had on a night long ago came flooding into me. I was so terrified that fight or flight had gone out the window, and I stood there, like a statue. I remembered instantly the fight we had, over something stupid, but one fight of only three that I had stood up for myself. One fight of three where I told myself, the endless nights of him yelling at me for some unknown faux pas on my part, was fucked up, and I wasn't going to take it. I remember him furious coming at me, I remember him grabbing the gun, and the awful sound it made when he fired it at my feet inside the house. I remember this strange calm that had set in, as I grabbed my purse and my keys to leave. I remember the intense panic and fear that exploded in me when he grabbed me by the belt loops of my jeans, and wouldn't let me leave."
Later that same day, I contacted my friend to share my own moment with her.
"What's crazy is I had a frozen moment last Sunday when I went on a cruise with my best friend. A guy came up, started dancing with me, and I got uncomfortable so I tried walking away. And he just put his hands on my waist and pulled me back, trying to still dance. My ex did that anytime I tried walking away from him during a fight, and he often would throw me whichever direction he went, so I got used to just relaxing automatically whenever I felt him grab my waist so I wouldn't get hurt so bad. But that time I froze and I started having flashbacks. And it was terrifying. My best friend pulled me off the dance floor and I just broke down."
There are so many times I feel like we, as a collective species, are so wrapped up in our own lives that we hardly ever take the time to really reach out to those around us that share the same experiences that we do in our lives, especially when it comes to the negatives. We seek to be singled out, recognized for the positivity that we can bring, put up on a pedestal and viewed with admiration by all. But when we fall, when we are less than perfect, or we deal with trauma, or when we are singled out and attacked, in times we should be reaching out for support and assistance and encouragement, how often do we actually do just that?
When I reached out to my friend, I had never know the depth of the trauma that she had gone through. I still don't know the specifics of a lot of her story, and she doesn't know a lot of specifics with mine. But being able to share that kind of trauma, without fear of rejection or fear of being belittled or being told that your view on a situation isn't what REALLY happened. My friend, my dear, beautiful, strong friend, put together an explanation for our anxiety perfectly.
"This is why we have trigger warnings. This is why, some people duck when a car backfires. Why someone may start panicking and hyperventilating over something so ordinary as a belt loop on a door handle. This is why, in no uncertain terms, you should never judge someone over their anxieties. When you don't know whats going on inside them, just assume their reaction is appropriate for their life experience. Do NOT think they are out for attention, or overreacting."
And later that day, I had to do my part and encourage her. Because that is really what this world needs, is people who will recognize those shared experiences, who will look at the million seconds that can be found in 12 days and realize that there is more shared between another human being besides a genome sequence. And at times, you get the beautiful opportunity to really connect with those around you.
I'm so happy someone understands! You always hear you're not alone, but it doesn't make sense until you actually hear someone, explaining to you that you aren't.
Because even when you hear those words, you almost have to have someone go into detail about their trauma to fully understand that it's not just an empathetic statement.
Comments
Post a Comment