A Beautiful Blend
So if there is one thing that has been on my heart lately, it's been my daughter. And when I say "lately," I'm really implying the last eight years of my life. (Holy cow, has it really been that long?)
This last summer, going through a breakup from a difficult relationship with my ex, these two were my rock with Morgana. Offering to keep her longer weekends, making sure to pick her up from summer day camp on days that they weren't even designated to have her according to the final parenting plan. They always spoke highly of me and my ex and his daughter, who Morgana was very attached to. And being able to have a family, as unconventional as we are, that is as incredible as these two are, and as supportive, and playful, and fun, I can honestly say that I have come to love what we all have.
Mystica, I've said this before, and I will continue to say this, you are an INCREDIBLE ally and such a supportive stepmom to Morgan and have become a dear friend to me. I am so very blessed to be able to have you as part of my family, to have such an incredible role model for Morgana, and to know that over the years there will be a woman who is able to teach Morgana things that I am unable to. I know in the beginning I was very difficult to deal with, that I was a b*tch to you, but thank you for your grace, your understanding, and your persistence to maintain a steady and honoring attitude towards me. I so look forward to being able to call you Morgana's official stepmommy in the future, but know that in her eyes and my eyes, you are every bit as much her mother as I am, because it does not take biology to make a mother, it is in our sacrifices and our love for our children that truly turns us into mothers.
Jesse. I wish I knew where to begin. Our journey has not been an easy one, but it has been so very worth it. From the time I told you I thought I was pregnant with our little girl, to when those two faint lines appeared on that test, you stepped up when I was terrified. You fought to be there when little Morgana came into the world, which was a huge sacrifice to our family at the time. And you went almost two weeks without seeing her because you were sick and she was in the NICU. You fought FOR your child, as a father should. You fought me and my stupid stubborn pride, my prejudices, and my fear to stay in her life instead of giving up like I have seen so many fathers do when faced with the same difficulties that I put you through. I am so sorry that it took me over four years to see what was so clearly in front of me all along. You are an amazing father, encouraging her, supporting the parenting decisions I make and working alongside me and even questioning things that I do, as you should. I cannot applaud you enough for being the father you are to Morgana.
Co-parenting is not an easy road to take. Parenting is not an easy journey to make. Because so much of the time, there are wounds in the parents that have not been dealt with and can cause insecurities and fear which leads to hasty decisions, rash judgments, and prideful admonitions. Because of that, I cherish my family so very much and I would gladly defend the people that make up that family until my dying breath.
This little girl has always been my main priority, no matter what.
But I will admit, five and a half years ago, when I was going through the custody battle with her dad, there were times that I wished he would just give up, disappear, end up on the Missing Persons board and never show up again because I was so damn sure that I would be able to raise this little one just fine on my own. And even after we had our final parenting plan put into place, there was this massive amount of resentment in me towards him. I was living in my own little head, where I was the only one that knew what was best for my daughter, I alone should determine what was or was not allowed when it came to her well being. I even tried to be stubborn to the point that I ONLY followed what was in the final parenting plan, hoping that if I could establish a pattern of her father not following the plan, I would have grounds to request his parental rights be terminated should I marry a man that I deemed worthy enough to adopt my little girl.
If there is one thing that I can thank my ex for, it is that he refused to take the mantle of being my daughter's father. From the very beginning, he made it clear that Morgana had a father, a very capable father, and my ex would not be the reason that her father was stripped of his title and influence in my daughter's life. That was a HUGE wake-up call for me, and really forced me to examine my intentions, my own wounds from my relationship with my daughter's father, and even how my own pride was hurting my daughter by not choosing to fully foster a strong and healthy relationship between my daughter and her father. In my pride, I was not being a good co-parent.
In the last two years, there was a huge amount of growing that I have gone through. And I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt that I would not have been able to go through it without the support from my daughter's father and stepmother. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to fully accept them.
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| Morgana with Daddy |
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| Mystica (Super Stepmommy!) |
Mystica, I've said this before, and I will continue to say this, you are an INCREDIBLE ally and such a supportive stepmom to Morgan and have become a dear friend to me. I am so very blessed to be able to have you as part of my family, to have such an incredible role model for Morgana, and to know that over the years there will be a woman who is able to teach Morgana things that I am unable to. I know in the beginning I was very difficult to deal with, that I was a b*tch to you, but thank you for your grace, your understanding, and your persistence to maintain a steady and honoring attitude towards me. I so look forward to being able to call you Morgana's official stepmommy in the future, but know that in her eyes and my eyes, you are every bit as much her mother as I am, because it does not take biology to make a mother, it is in our sacrifices and our love for our children that truly turns us into mothers.
Jesse. I wish I knew where to begin. Our journey has not been an easy one, but it has been so very worth it. From the time I told you I thought I was pregnant with our little girl, to when those two faint lines appeared on that test, you stepped up when I was terrified. You fought to be there when little Morgana came into the world, which was a huge sacrifice to our family at the time. And you went almost two weeks without seeing her because you were sick and she was in the NICU. You fought FOR your child, as a father should. You fought me and my stupid stubborn pride, my prejudices, and my fear to stay in her life instead of giving up like I have seen so many fathers do when faced with the same difficulties that I put you through. I am so sorry that it took me over four years to see what was so clearly in front of me all along. You are an amazing father, encouraging her, supporting the parenting decisions I make and working alongside me and even questioning things that I do, as you should. I cannot applaud you enough for being the father you are to Morgana.
Co-parenting is not an easy road to take. Parenting is not an easy journey to make. Because so much of the time, there are wounds in the parents that have not been dealt with and can cause insecurities and fear which leads to hasty decisions, rash judgments, and prideful admonitions. Because of that, I cherish my family so very much and I would gladly defend the people that make up that family until my dying breath.
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