RUN
So a few days ago, I had a memory come across my Timehop from the night of one of the most public abuses from my ex-boyfriend. My friend had gotten us tickets to join her at a concert for Nonpoint, and had originally just asked me to join her, but when my ex had said that Nonpoint was one of his favorite bands, she pitched in and got him a ticket too! How nice and awesome is that? Well, it wasn't great enough to stop his fit from happening right before the show.
We got to the concert hall early, and got a couple drinks and found a table up near the top of the hall, away from the crowds that were gathering in the pit because he didn't want to be near them. I was a little sad that I hadn't had time to get ready and dressed up before the concert, and he started giving me THAT look (you know the one I'm talking about) that at times made me feel like I wasn't taller than two inches and made me start focus more on finishing my Adios (drink) so I could get to a point where I could handle his critical looks. Well, after finishing that drink, I went and got another one. That was about when my friend showed up.
The table we were sitting at had three seats around it, and my ex had purposefully placed himself in the center. When my friend showed up, she grabbed the other seat and started chatting it up. She was excited, I was excited, my ex was excited. We were all out, getting ready to listen to good music and looking forward to a good night. My ex finished his drink, and got up to go order another one. My friend slid over to sit beside me and we kept talking. When he came back with a new drink, he purposefully stood right behind her, obviously annoyed. She tried to diffuse his anger by smiling at him and playfully asking him why he didn't take a seat with us. He stood not five feet away from her, staring, and then stated, "Why should I sit? You stole my seat."
I then stepped in, and suggested that I could sit in the middle, between them, because I assumed that my ex simply wanted to be by me, as did my friend. So my friend and I swapped seats, leaving the empty one on my left. He still stood in the same spot, pouting now, because I was the person in his seat. After I asked him to just let it go and sit down and have a drink with us, he rolled his eyes and huffed away, saying it was obvious that he wasn't wanted around. I looked at my friend, panicking, and she gave me a "Are you kidding me?" kind of look. This was the third time that she and I had tried to go out and included him, and the third time that he had behaved in a similiar fashion because things weren't going quite to his liking.
Within a half hour I had found him, gotten into a fight over how my friend and I were "excluding" him, and I had shrugged it off, tried to move past it, stayed by his side for the rest of the night, just to try to keep him happy. The concert was good, I enjoyed it, and I was sure that after everything was done I'd get to see my friend again and say goodbye before heading home with my ex. After it all ended, people started filing out, and I saw my friend by the merchandise tables with a local band. She was a little drunk, but still standing up, and I started waiting for her to finish talking to the band members, just striking up conversation with other people that were standing in line for merchandise and waiting around. My ex didn't like that, and continued getting more sullen the longer the conversations got. He finally pulled me aside and said, "It's getting too crowded in here, follow me."
I followed, like a good little girlfriend. We went out to the back entrance of the music venue, but didn't leave completely because I still wanted to see my friend and say goodbye and I told him that. We stood by the exit for maybe twenty minutes, his agitation getting more apparent with every passing minute. He told me over and over that I was being ridiculous, that he wanted to go home, that it was obvious I just wanted to be away from him and probably hook up with one of the band members like my friend was "obviously" doing. We started arguing, and when a group of guys passed by us out the exit, he forced my back up against the wall, hissing loudly inches away from my face, "You stupid bitch, I know you don't want to be here with me."
I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed past him, trying to get out of the exit, and he grabbed my shoulder, now convinced that I was trying to leave him. I yelled that I was going outside, since it was so obvious he wanted me out of the building, and he let go of my shoulder. Outside the exit, I put my back to the wall, crossed my arms over my chest, and pulled my purse closer to me. He followed me out, glanced around the crowd that was gathered right outside the exit, and put both of his hands on either side of my body, effectively trapping me. He told me he didn't want us to fight, he didn't want me to leave, and I said I wasn't going to leave unless he forced me to. He continued talking, I don't remember about what, but I remember getting so angry and fed up and saying I needed a walk to cool down, and tried pushing past him. He pushed my shoulders again, trying to keep me at the wall, and when I forced myself off the wall, he grabbed my shoulder, his fingers curling around my purse handles.
"Evelyn, you are NOT going to leave me!"
Reflexes kicked in, and my arm dropped, sliding out of the handles as I burst into a sprint. My vision focused on the crowd in front of me, weaving between four or five people before I broke into a flat out run. I heard footsteps pounding after me, and my heartbeat stopped as the adrenaline kicked in and I kept running. Past people that yelled at me, past cars that had stopped because they saw a girl running at breakneck speeds down the sidewalk, past drunk frat boys that catcalled. I ran for six blocks, until my heartbeat pounded in my ears and the only steps I heard on the sidewalk were my own. I had stopped right in front of a bar that my ex and I frequently went to, and the bouncer came out, looked behind me, and asked if I was okay. Sucking air, I nodded, told him I had just wanted to run, and covered up the fear with a smile. He told me to be safe, and went back to his post inside the door.
Minutes passed. I waited for my ex to stalk down the sidewalk, waited for the fight that I knew was coming. I didn't have my purse, my phone, my wallet, was slightly drunk from the drinks at the concert, but I was ready for the upcoming battle. After a good ten minutes, and no appearance, I began retracing my steps towards the concert venue. I started rehearsing how I was going to act when I saw him, how I would get my purse back, call a cab from my phone, the silent ride home, the tension that would grow between us, and then the inevitable explosion that would tear my home apart before he finally would force me to say I still loved him and I didn't want him to leave.
He wasn't near the exit of the venue. He wasn't in the bar beside the exit. And as I looked around, a girl that was standing in a group came up, put her hand on my arm, and asked if I was okay. I smiled again, and this time it almost felt genuine.
"You should never put up with that kind of shit, from anyone. Ever."
I nodded, and told her she was probably right, before turning around and starting my walk home.
We got to the concert hall early, and got a couple drinks and found a table up near the top of the hall, away from the crowds that were gathering in the pit because he didn't want to be near them. I was a little sad that I hadn't had time to get ready and dressed up before the concert, and he started giving me THAT look (you know the one I'm talking about) that at times made me feel like I wasn't taller than two inches and made me start focus more on finishing my Adios (drink) so I could get to a point where I could handle his critical looks. Well, after finishing that drink, I went and got another one. That was about when my friend showed up.
The table we were sitting at had three seats around it, and my ex had purposefully placed himself in the center. When my friend showed up, she grabbed the other seat and started chatting it up. She was excited, I was excited, my ex was excited. We were all out, getting ready to listen to good music and looking forward to a good night. My ex finished his drink, and got up to go order another one. My friend slid over to sit beside me and we kept talking. When he came back with a new drink, he purposefully stood right behind her, obviously annoyed. She tried to diffuse his anger by smiling at him and playfully asking him why he didn't take a seat with us. He stood not five feet away from her, staring, and then stated, "Why should I sit? You stole my seat."
I then stepped in, and suggested that I could sit in the middle, between them, because I assumed that my ex simply wanted to be by me, as did my friend. So my friend and I swapped seats, leaving the empty one on my left. He still stood in the same spot, pouting now, because I was the person in his seat. After I asked him to just let it go and sit down and have a drink with us, he rolled his eyes and huffed away, saying it was obvious that he wasn't wanted around. I looked at my friend, panicking, and she gave me a "Are you kidding me?" kind of look. This was the third time that she and I had tried to go out and included him, and the third time that he had behaved in a similiar fashion because things weren't going quite to his liking.
Within a half hour I had found him, gotten into a fight over how my friend and I were "excluding" him, and I had shrugged it off, tried to move past it, stayed by his side for the rest of the night, just to try to keep him happy. The concert was good, I enjoyed it, and I was sure that after everything was done I'd get to see my friend again and say goodbye before heading home with my ex. After it all ended, people started filing out, and I saw my friend by the merchandise tables with a local band. She was a little drunk, but still standing up, and I started waiting for her to finish talking to the band members, just striking up conversation with other people that were standing in line for merchandise and waiting around. My ex didn't like that, and continued getting more sullen the longer the conversations got. He finally pulled me aside and said, "It's getting too crowded in here, follow me."
I followed, like a good little girlfriend. We went out to the back entrance of the music venue, but didn't leave completely because I still wanted to see my friend and say goodbye and I told him that. We stood by the exit for maybe twenty minutes, his agitation getting more apparent with every passing minute. He told me over and over that I was being ridiculous, that he wanted to go home, that it was obvious I just wanted to be away from him and probably hook up with one of the band members like my friend was "obviously" doing. We started arguing, and when a group of guys passed by us out the exit, he forced my back up against the wall, hissing loudly inches away from my face, "You stupid bitch, I know you don't want to be here with me."
I couldn't take it anymore. I pushed past him, trying to get out of the exit, and he grabbed my shoulder, now convinced that I was trying to leave him. I yelled that I was going outside, since it was so obvious he wanted me out of the building, and he let go of my shoulder. Outside the exit, I put my back to the wall, crossed my arms over my chest, and pulled my purse closer to me. He followed me out, glanced around the crowd that was gathered right outside the exit, and put both of his hands on either side of my body, effectively trapping me. He told me he didn't want us to fight, he didn't want me to leave, and I said I wasn't going to leave unless he forced me to. He continued talking, I don't remember about what, but I remember getting so angry and fed up and saying I needed a walk to cool down, and tried pushing past him. He pushed my shoulders again, trying to keep me at the wall, and when I forced myself off the wall, he grabbed my shoulder, his fingers curling around my purse handles.
"Evelyn, you are NOT going to leave me!"
Reflexes kicked in, and my arm dropped, sliding out of the handles as I burst into a sprint. My vision focused on the crowd in front of me, weaving between four or five people before I broke into a flat out run. I heard footsteps pounding after me, and my heartbeat stopped as the adrenaline kicked in and I kept running. Past people that yelled at me, past cars that had stopped because they saw a girl running at breakneck speeds down the sidewalk, past drunk frat boys that catcalled. I ran for six blocks, until my heartbeat pounded in my ears and the only steps I heard on the sidewalk were my own. I had stopped right in front of a bar that my ex and I frequently went to, and the bouncer came out, looked behind me, and asked if I was okay. Sucking air, I nodded, told him I had just wanted to run, and covered up the fear with a smile. He told me to be safe, and went back to his post inside the door.
Minutes passed. I waited for my ex to stalk down the sidewalk, waited for the fight that I knew was coming. I didn't have my purse, my phone, my wallet, was slightly drunk from the drinks at the concert, but I was ready for the upcoming battle. After a good ten minutes, and no appearance, I began retracing my steps towards the concert venue. I started rehearsing how I was going to act when I saw him, how I would get my purse back, call a cab from my phone, the silent ride home, the tension that would grow between us, and then the inevitable explosion that would tear my home apart before he finally would force me to say I still loved him and I didn't want him to leave.
He wasn't near the exit of the venue. He wasn't in the bar beside the exit. And as I looked around, a girl that was standing in a group came up, put her hand on my arm, and asked if I was okay. I smiled again, and this time it almost felt genuine.
"You should never put up with that kind of shit, from anyone. Ever."
I nodded, and told her she was probably right, before turning around and starting my walk home.
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