I Am THAT Girl

"I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised and misunderstood."
-Audre Lorde

So I have an issue. A bone to pick. With the patriarchy. And with the way that most women treat each other. And how society expects us to treat each other. And this is coming after binge watching Orange is the New Black and after amazing conversations with women that society says I shouldn't like, or at least that's what some girls/women have communicated through a third party, and also being spurred into action after this post on my Instagram newsfeed and just feeling the need to throw a rock into the pond and see how far the ripples extend.

I don't have many followers. The most views I have on any of my blog posts isn't that impressive, and is a post from over five years ago. I don't think I have that much influence or sway or popularity among those that DO read my blog. But its still my soapbox, and I do have control over my own thoughts that go here.

I am a mother. A stepmother. A co-parent. A feminist. And I try to encourage and uplift as many people as possible, and try to be a woman of good character (though I do admit that sometimes I fail). And over the last four years, I have had to face my own biases and prejudices and some misogynistic thoughts, and I have a bone to pick with society.

Women. We are typecast as bitches. As conniving. Manipulative. Heartless. And a number of other derogatory terms. While parts of those adjectives, from microscopic to gargantuan, are a part of every person's nature because we were born into a sinful world, I find that the majority of women who accuse others of being these things are typically doing so out of fear and hurt. Out of fear because women don't want to lose something that is deemed important to them: recognition, significant emotional ties, love, and maybe even security. Out of hurt because confronting our own faults and shortcomings is often more painful than looking and blaming someone else for how our life is. And so the cycle begins and extrapolates. But where does the typecasting end? Where does the judgement give way to understanding? Where do we, as women, decide to unite together instead of isolate and attack so that we can change the world together?

In my life, I have typecast women and judged them. And I have had the same done to me. I know the damage that can come of it, on a bigger scale, and the strength that can come of it, on a generational scale. There are two women in particular that have made an impact on my life and how I view relationships with other women, particularly when it comes to parenting: my own daughter's stepmother, and the mother of my ex-boyfriend's daughter. Societal norms tell us that being friends with either of these women is unnatural, and I'm sure there are plenty of others out there that would accuse me of having an ulterior motive or an agenda when it comes to these relationships. And I would acknowledge that yes, I do have an agenda and an ulterior motive.

I dream of a world where children can be surrounded by strong and supportive role models, who openly and directly communicate and work through conflicts with every person that plays a significant role in a child's life. I dream of a world where mothers and stepmothers can support, encourage, uplift, cry, laugh, and become best friends with each other. I dream of having wedding photos that include not just my husband and our children, but our children's other biological parents and their significant others and THEIR children. I dream of conversations that are not focused on tearing down other parents or making them feel inferior in their roles but instead acknowledge and celebrate the differences between parents and the beauty that comes from having a child raised in so much influence that works together. 

I dream of a world filled with love and strength. I dream of a world that doesn't make us feel as though we have to pull others down with negativity and animosity born of fear. I dream big dreams. And sometimes it feels like my dreams are too big to fulfill.

But when my daughter's stepmother asks me, with a smile on her face and happy tears in her eyes, to be her maid of honor when she is wedded into my daughter's and my life, I feel one more brick being put onto the road of progress. And when my friend that I gained through an abusive relationship tells me that I brought a balance and security into her daughter's life and helped light a fire for what to expect of other women that might come into her daughter's life, I can feel one more stone being pulled from the patriarchy's wall. 

I am a girl with dreams. I am a girl that longs to sit down with the women in my life, both directly and indirectly, and share conversations over cups of coffee. I am a woman that was raised with hope, and while I do give in to my bitchy side sometimes, I'm also a woman that seeks restoration and healing and to show our children how wonderful the world is when we all love and support each other.