Hindsight
It's somewhat early on the last day of the year. The last two weeks of photos I've taken are uploading to Google Photos, my tea is a little too hot to drink right now, and I'm sitting in the stillness of our little apartment's living room, watching the snow fall outside our window and listening to the noises my family is making as they sleep.
2019 was a year. A hard year. A year of change. A year of self reflection and confronting fears that I couldn't allow to be a part of me anymore. A year of loss. A year of saying "No more!" to toxic people, to letting people go who decided that I was too much work as a friend, and to respecting people who decided they needed space in their own journey. Who knows if I'll ever see them again, get to laugh with them again, talk with them again, but I wish them well in their lives, nonetheless.
So....highlights, highlights, highlights.....
My fiance and I moved into our own place a little over two months ago. After much fighting from me over the last year. Something that my fear had deeply instilled after the loss of my brother. But the time was long past due, and the change that it brought to my family was by far the best that I could have hoped for.
On December 29, 2018, I posted a status on Facebook saying "C'mon, 2019, what you got for me?"
I never imagined that this year would see that post and respond with "Hold my beer."
2019 was a year. A hard year. A year of change. A year of self reflection and confronting fears that I couldn't allow to be a part of me anymore. A year of loss. A year of saying "No more!" to toxic people, to letting people go who decided that I was too much work as a friend, and to respecting people who decided they needed space in their own journey. Who knows if I'll ever see them again, get to laugh with them again, talk with them again, but I wish them well in their lives, nonetheless.
So....highlights, highlights, highlights.....
My fiance and I moved into our own place a little over two months ago. After much fighting from me over the last year. Something that my fear had deeply instilled after the loss of my brother. But the time was long past due, and the change that it brought to my family was by far the best that I could have hoped for.
Our eldest has changed school districts into a district that we are very hopeful will bring out her better side, despite the struggles that have accompanied these last few years. She's gotten better at communicating with me, despite the overwhelming anxiety that can accompany these changing times
Our middle child began kindergarten!! And honestly, out of the three of these kiddos, we are loving seeing the compassion and tenderness that has come out of her these last three months. She is an absolute delight to my heart with all her protective playfulness.
Our little man is still learning to harness his strength, has been communicating his frustrations a lot more physically than he was before, so it's become a delightful challenge to work with him on properly channeling these last few months.
And finally, my fiance. I wish I could put into words just how much he has bee there for me this last year. The ups and downs, the conflicts and the heartbreaks, the apprehension that has accompanied different changes along this journey of self discovery. He's been there right alongside me, walking this journey, assuring me, letting me know when he's struggling, double checking with me after every little radar goes off when it comes to my many health issues.
And we get married in twenty-six days. Which has not been an easy journey, and has come with it's own ups and downs and compromises and heartbreaks, but with everything else that has happened these last two years, with how much he has stuck beside me and grown with me, I couldn't imagine this milestone with anyone else.
On December 29, 2018, I posted a status on Facebook saying "C'mon, 2019, what you got for me?"
I never imagined that this year would see that post and respond with "Hold my beer."
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