Breaking the Silence
It's been a really long time since I've written anything. Well, anything outside of schoolwork or legal responses or studying up on different RCWs and sending that research out. Far too long. A couple days ago, I was talking to my guy. Just being goofy. And I asked him what he knew about me, existentially (we were in the middle of watching a White Collar episode), and one of the first things he said was that he knew I loved writing. Tonight, he was threatened and I was warned that anything I posted would be documented. Very carefully.
Here's the funny thing: so many of the topics that I have wanted to write about these last six months I have held back. Primarily for that reason. Life is messy, and sometimes it can get really really messy. I've been through that situation. And now he's going back and forth, with some good days and some stressful days. I didn't want to add any more mess to it. So I bit my tongue, afraid of the repercussions and what they might mean for him. But that's just it.
I'm not HELPING anyone by staying quiet. I stayed quiet during my last relationship because I was afraid of being left alone, so I dealt with numerous kinds of abuse. My daughter and I were affected by that. I stayed quiet when I saw my best friend deal with similar situations, and I stayed quiet too long during a court battle to really be effective. Silence does not help heal. Silence does not bring truth to lies. Silence in most situations does nothing but encourage the oppressors to continue with their attacks. Their threats. Their bullshit allegations.
My siblings and I were all raised to call it as we see it. And I've been weak. Bending to the unspoken will of someone that would rather I not be any part of their life, even if they have no direct contact with me and refuse to, like a mature adult.
So this is it. Me, taking the reins. Refusing to let another abusive personality control me. There is no point in living in fear if the repercussions are going to come anyways.
Here's the funny thing: so many of the topics that I have wanted to write about these last six months I have held back. Primarily for that reason. Life is messy, and sometimes it can get really really messy. I've been through that situation. And now he's going back and forth, with some good days and some stressful days. I didn't want to add any more mess to it. So I bit my tongue, afraid of the repercussions and what they might mean for him. But that's just it.
I'm not HELPING anyone by staying quiet. I stayed quiet during my last relationship because I was afraid of being left alone, so I dealt with numerous kinds of abuse. My daughter and I were affected by that. I stayed quiet when I saw my best friend deal with similar situations, and I stayed quiet too long during a court battle to really be effective. Silence does not help heal. Silence does not bring truth to lies. Silence in most situations does nothing but encourage the oppressors to continue with their attacks. Their threats. Their bullshit allegations.
My siblings and I were all raised to call it as we see it. And I've been weak. Bending to the unspoken will of someone that would rather I not be any part of their life, even if they have no direct contact with me and refuse to, like a mature adult.
So this is it. Me, taking the reins. Refusing to let another abusive personality control me. There is no point in living in fear if the repercussions are going to come anyways.
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