"I'm Trying"

For as long as I can remember, one of my ultimate favorite quotes has always come from Yoda.

"Do or do not. There is no try."

As a child, it was always a little difficult to understand the absolutes, and as a mother it is very difficult to help my child (and the children around me) to understand the concept of absolutes. But at my age, being able to understand that sometimes it just takes action, a decisive choice, that decision to either stay where you are or to push forward, outside of your comfort zone. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say "I'm trying," and yet do nothing to actually push outside of their comfort zone, to confront that which makes them uncomfortable or that which they hate. And that is the biggest thing. The path away from hate is paved by understanding, which generally changes to acceptance. And without understanding and acceptance, you will be stuck in a world of hate until it rots you from the inside out. 

And that is something I would never wish on anyone. Not my loved ones, not my acquaintances, not those who see me as their worst enemy. No one deserves that level of unhappiness. No one should ever deal with that much loathing, or animosity. From personal experience, the only thing it ever ends up doing is causing you pain in the long run.

There are a few people in particular that come to mind, for me, when writing this. A few people that absolutely despise me, for whatever reasoning they have. I'm not here to judge them. Their choices, no matter what I wish for them, are their own choices and they will be the ones to deal with the consequences of their choices, both good and bad. But no matter what, I will continue to wish them well and pray that someday that they can find happiness and healing. 

Some of this animosity reaches back 15 years, some of it reaches back to a few days ago. But what stuck out to me was one line in particular that came from one of these people.

"I'm trying to be okay with her."

My heart had soared. My happiness at knowing that there was someone that was actively TRYING to push outside of their comfort zone, to face something that can come with so much pain as growth is achieved, made me want to scoop this person up into a hug and just celebrate THEM. But, seeing as how I'm the focal point of their anger and animosity, that might not be such a good idea. Still, I hope for them. And I pray for them. Because trying, that takes strength and effort. Trying to change your own outlook and perspective, that takes courage and being uncomfortable. Trying to get past your own biases that have cemented themselves into your very being, that can be something that will make most people feel like their entire world is crumbling. And this person said that they were TRYING.

It can take years. It can take days. It can and does take pain, strength, and a whole lot of courage to try. And anyone that is willing to do so, I applaud. 

These people might never be okay with me. These people might spend the rest of their lives hating me. And as sad as that truly makes me, I don't hold it against them. They might think that I'm going to try to drag them down, to sink to the very levels of depravity that they want me to, but that doesn't help me. It doesn't help them. It doesn't make the world that we live in any better, only worse. 

So I keep trying. I keep asking my Father to send well wishes. I keep praying. I keep sowing as much positivity as I can, because without that there is no hope. And in a world with no hope, what is left to live for?