Indecision
Last night I was talking to Jay about everything that's been going on in terms of moving back to Northport, going to school, and fears. And what struck me more than anything else is that with other people in my life, there have been few that I have been able to open up to. I may come across as an open book to a lot of people, and hell even some have said that they know me better than I know myself. But the truth is that they have no idea.
I've had friends tell me that if I moved back to Northport, I would end up being one of those small town girls that try to leave, end up coming back, and stay in that small town for the rest of their lives and not amounting to shit. But I have far too much potential, too much gumption, too much OOMPH for this town. And even if I do come back to Northport, it won't be forever. Life, right now, is almost overwhelming. I'm at an all-time low when it comes to so many different things in Spokane, and at times it feels like the only option I have is either stripping or coming home. And if I started stripping, I know that my family would kick my ass and drag me back home. And I wouldn't blame them at all.
But I'm not really sure what I want to do. I know that it would be better for Morgan to be in a loving, stable environment and I know that she would get that here. And I would have support here. Yeah, it might not be a whole lot in comparison to Spokane, but it means more to me here. There's still things to consider, though. And I have to take those into consideration. Which almost makes it worse than just being able to come home for a few months.
In the end, though, I have to be happy with the decision I make. Be content, even if it's not the ideal situation. God, that's so much easier to say than actually do.
I've had friends tell me that if I moved back to Northport, I would end up being one of those small town girls that try to leave, end up coming back, and stay in that small town for the rest of their lives and not amounting to shit. But I have far too much potential, too much gumption, too much OOMPH for this town. And even if I do come back to Northport, it won't be forever. Life, right now, is almost overwhelming. I'm at an all-time low when it comes to so many different things in Spokane, and at times it feels like the only option I have is either stripping or coming home. And if I started stripping, I know that my family would kick my ass and drag me back home. And I wouldn't blame them at all.
But I'm not really sure what I want to do. I know that it would be better for Morgan to be in a loving, stable environment and I know that she would get that here. And I would have support here. Yeah, it might not be a whole lot in comparison to Spokane, but it means more to me here. There's still things to consider, though. And I have to take those into consideration. Which almost makes it worse than just being able to come home for a few months.
In the end, though, I have to be happy with the decision I make. Be content, even if it's not the ideal situation. God, that's so much easier to say than actually do.
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